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Lamrot Hakol (Despite Everything)

Musings and kvetchings and Torah thoughts from an unconventional Orthodox Jew.

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"I blog, therefore I am". Clearly not true, or I wouldn't exist except every now and then.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Wicca (not really)

Elsewhere in cyberspace, someone asked me the following question:

I read your personal profile with some interest.

What made you switch to Yiddishkeit from being a Wiccan, just curious ?
Is the food better ?
Well, it's more kosher, at any rate. Kosherer?

So here's that story. Most of it, anyway. I started up the road to frumkeit when I was 19. I'll tell that story if anyone cares to ask, but that's not what this entry is about. I realized that I was gay... I guess I was 33. My apartment had burned down one Friday night, and I'd just moved into a new apartment. One of my roommates was a girl who'd gone to Stern, but had since gone off the derekh (that's frumspeak for abandoning observance -- derekh = path). Maybe I should just put a glossary at the end of my entries. Or wait for someone to ask.

So the first Shabbat I was in the new apartment, she'd gone out clubbing, and she got back late. I don't know if I was still up or if she woke me up.

Oh... it just occurred to me that some of you are going to have the wrong idea about where this is going. There was never anything between the two of us. Not then and not later. So don't worry.

Anyway, we got to talking. I mean, we were going to be roommates, right? And I honestly have no idea how the subject came up, but at one point, she asked me if I'd ever been attracted to a woman. And... I looked at the wall. Then I looked at the other wall. Then I looked at the ceiling. The floor. Here. There. For about two minutes. Then I looked her in the eye and said, "No."

She cracked up. I mean, it was kind of funny, I guess. Any "no" that takes two minutes to get out like that is a little suspicious. And over the next couple of weeks, I let the thought percolate through. My biggest crushes when I was little had been on Jody Foster and Kristy McNichol. And there were other things that I'm not going to be talking about on this blog that should have given me a clue.

Anyway, that was in June. It wasn't until the following January that I went off the derekh myself. And it was during those 11 months that I was gone that I got into Wicca. Which I'll leave for another post, since this one is too long already, and hasn't gotten anywhere close to that topic.

Watch this space.

2 Comments:

Anonymous moi said...

What drew you to Wicca? The feminine deity? The acceptance of GLAB and poly families? The amount of studying involved?

moi

11:26 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Hey moi (or should it be toi?),

I won't deny that I liked the idea of a female deity. But the fact is, male and female are only creations. Hashem created both of them and encompasses both of them. The only reason I don't often use She and Her for Hashem is that it's too strongly associated with the heterodox movements.

When she was 3, my daughter told us one day that "God is a boy to boys and a girl to girls". And she actually uses pronouns for Hashem differently in different contexts according to her little rule. There's much to be said for that, I think.

I'm not sure what the A is in GLAB, but acceptance is nice in general. Still, that wasn't a draw for me. I have a problem with blind acceptance. I think there is a right and a wrong, and that it is important to judge. Acceptance that stems from an unwillingness to judge (or a fear of judging, lest one be judged) isn't something I can respect.

Studying? Nah. First of all, I don't have an obligation to learn Torah, as such. But I love doing it anyway. I wish I could find a good study partner, but pretty much anyone who would be willing to learn with me couldn't keep up, and anyone who could keep up wouldn't be willing to learn with me. I know that's an overgeneralization, and there are certainly exceptions out there, but that's the problem. They're out there, and not here. I can't find them.

12:47 PM  

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